"I saw a great quote this morning: "The highest moments in life are those moments of love we share with our families" - how true that is. Too often it is tragic events like this that make you take a step back and reflect on what is truly important. Personally I have felt every emotion under the sun this week - sadness, anger and especially guilt for not visiting enough and spending more time with him. I am so proud to be his daughter and know my sisters feel the same. That is the first thing I will tell him when I see him. -Susan"

This was on http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/larrywade, which is a free, nonprofit web service that connects family and friends to share information, love and support during a health crisis, treatment, and recovery. It was written by the daughter of one of my very best friends; Captain Larry Wade had a stroke the other day while at sea off the coast of Italy. He is in serious condition.    (Update: Captain Wade is back in Maine – The doctors all feel strongly that it was a viral infection, so no real medicinal treatment, just lots of rest. A much better prognosis than they had originally been given when he was in Italy!)

He is the Captain of 500 foot Training Ship State of Maine. Maine Maritime Academy teaches students to become officers in the merchant marine which many become vessel captains or chief engineers. Each year 200 students take a two month cruise for sea time and real life experiences. I try to make as many cruises with him as possible but was not able to this year. I met Captain Wade in 1971 aboard the Tanker Mission Santa Ynez when I joined as a cadet deck officer. It has been because of this man that I went on to become Captain and enjoyed a successful maritime career. Right now I am wishing him a quick recovery.    I know that he already knows this but I wish had told him more of my thoughts and what his friendship has meant to me. 

My first experience with ‘I wish that I’ was when my dad died and I was aboard a ship at sea off Europe. Have you ever wished that you'd spent a little more time with your mom or dad? You know - know them as an adult besides being just mom or dad. I can't tell you how many thoughts and wishes went through my mind after my Dad died. It was a rough time for me.

Yes I have many ‘I wish that’ I’d like to say to Larry right now. When Captain Wade recovers we can sit down have a talk. Unfortunately we can't make time travel backwards in many cases. Do you have things you aren't saying to the people who are important to you? Maybe we'd better start right now while we have the chance. Captain Wade, thanks for being my friend. Your friendship has touched me and thousands of others. I’d seen that over 1,500 people had written and checked on your well being. Looks like I’ll have to stand in line to give you a hug" (West Coast thing).

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Goal Setting and Action

Peter McWilliams said, "If you're not actively involved in getting what you want, you don't really want it."  I love excuses as much as the next person, but I have to agree with McWilliams on this.

Pretending to Take Action

When I give lip service to something I say I want, I either plan to do something about it later, or I go through the motions without really participating.  I may spend an inordinate amount of time planning.  This is not to say that planning is bad, but there comes a time when planning is just procrastination.  How about going through the motions without really participating?  Have you ever washed your car just to keep people from writing rude notes in the dust?  How about the time you had a new car and spent ages washing, waxing and buffing your new baby?  We all know when we're putting in effort and when we're not, when we really care and when we don't.   

Time Doesn't Equal Results

The amount of time you spend isn't a good gauge of how effective your efforts are.  Cast your mind back to a time when you had a report due in school.  Did you have long periods of time when you just sat in front of a blank piece of paper or a blank computer screen?  More time was spent checking the clock than actually creating the report. We've all been there. 

What Do You Really Want?

I can't tell you.  Sometimes it's hard for me to know what I really want.  Several years ago I finally joined the gym that Mike belonged to.  I'd been putting it off because I knew I wouldn't make the time for it.  Thinking that it would help get me going, I signed up for one of the workout programs they offered.  I figured that getting in shape and looking better in clothes would be good motivation. 

Nope.  That didn't work. 

A vacation in Acapulco was coming up in a few weeks.  Surely that would get me to be faithful and spend quality time at my workouts. 

Nope.  Any of you who work out know the difference between just showing up and really working out.  One produces results, the other spends time. 

Then, quite apart from the fitness club, I started taking dancing lessons and fell in love with the lindy hop. I wanted to dance, I wanted to dance well, and I wanted to enjoy it.  Back to the gym.  Forget the general workout program - I signed on for a personal trainer 3 times a week.  Neither rain, nor snow, nor dark of night would keep me from training.  Because I wanted to get slim?  Because I wanted to be fit for the sake of being fit?  No.  The majority of other lindy hop dancers were some 30 years younger than I was and I didn't want to be sitting on the sidelines while they were having fun.

So what do you really want?  Don't let others decide because that won't be enough motivation to keep you going.  Find out what really drives you to achieve a goal.  You'll find that along the way you'll achieve more goals than the one you set out to accomplish. 

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Do You Let Negative Thoughts Rule Your Life

Okay, that’s what I thought.   I've been gone the last couple of months volunteering as watch stander aboard the Training Ship State of Maine, the cadet training ship for my alma mater Maine Maritime Academy.  In other words,I trained students to become deck officers in the merchant marine.  After two months I was ready to get home, so I did as I always do and visualized the experience I expected to have flying home.  No long lines.  Flights on time.  No lost luggage.  Well, you get the picture.

The trip to the airport was uneventful, but I had already prepared myself to be angry for having to pay for my bags.   You see the airline had emailed me saying that my second bag would cost me money.   I already had a response prepared for when they asked for more money.   I put both bags on the scale. They both hovered around 49 lbs so I got in under the wire on baggage weight.  Now was the time when they'll ask for money.   I was ready.  But she just passed me my ticket and said have a nice trip.  Hey! Wait a minute, ask me for money! I have a lot of emotional time invested on being upset for the injustice of paying for the second bag!  All a waste of time. I could have spent that time doing something fun.

I noticed that my seats had changed for the second leg - the 5 hour leg - of my journey.  No aisle seat for me - now I was in the middle.  Oh the injustice!  I bought my ticket 3 months ago for an aisle seat and they gave me a middle seat.  They explained the flight was overbooked and they had changed the plane at the last minute.  There was nothing they could do.  Externally, I was polite - it wasn't the fault of the airline people behind the counter.  Internally I was furious, so my inner self started working negatively.  Hey, what about this intention I made?  This law of attraction mumbo jumbo doesn't work and I now have proof.  The heck with Law of Attraction Simplified.  There was nothing simple about this!

On the flight to Newark I internally preparing myself to give the airline representative a piece of my mind.  Hey, you've had my money for 3 months and this is what I get.  It’s no wonder everyone hates you guys. My inner self was working overtime putting me into a frenzy.  Well, the airline representative had an attitude to match my attitude so I didn't get very far.  The flight was really overbooked and they were even asking for volunteers to give up their seats.  So my inner self started saying, so much for this law of attraction stuff.  So it’s worked a couple times in the past but this is proof this LOA stuff just doesn't work.  That’s what my inner self was telling me and I was starting to believe it.   I went back in time for a few minutes and visualized some of my previous law of attraction accomplishments.  Sure they worked, but that was then and this is now.

I'm sitting in Newark airport watching the people go by when I get a call from the airline representative.  My inner self started thinking the worst. So I go up to the desk and the representative said they had changed my seat.  Oh great, probably a middle seat further back in the plane.  She said that a family needed two seats together.  Great, my inner self said, what am I, a pawn in a chess game?  So she gave me my new seat up front and on an aisle.  Hey, my inner self said, hey, this is not fair - I have too much time spent being mad.  You can't give me this great seat now, and beside this might prove that the law of attraction works.

Sorry, Law of Attraction.  I guess you were testing me.  How many of you people allow your negative inner self to dictate your feelings and emotions?  How many of you waste way too many hours of your life preparing for the bad things that just might come up?  Start spending your time on something more productive.  Don't give up on the LOA. 

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Is the First Step in the Law of Attraction To Ask?

That's what the teachers in The Secret say.  Has that worked for you?  Most people don't even know what to ask for.  When I was a kid, anything and everything was possible.  We lived in a world of possibilities. As we grew up, we became more 'practical and responsible' and limited ourselves.  We put off until tomorrow so long that we can't always remember what we really want.

Okay, so how do you decide what you want?  Success and motivation experts tell you to make a long list of 'everything you want to be, do, and have'.  Have you ever tried that?  You know what happens?  I begin listing all of these cool things and haven't achieved any of them.  I make another list that looks pretty good and find that those things are still on the list for next time.  One day I took a look at my list and it looked a lot like the things that everyone wants in life.  Turns out that I'm not everyone.  That day I got really real about the top three things I wanted at that moment and achieved two of them within a week.  Turns out I wanted 1) someone to clean the house, 2) someone to do the ironing, and 3) someone to do the cooking.  Got the first two worked out within a matter of days without straining the budget, so now I have time to do more of the things I'd rather do.  The third one I'm still working on - but I have got Mike to cook half of the time    so I guess I'm half way there on that one. 

What am I saying here? Are the goals you are pursuing something your spouse, kids or parents want?  Are they something advertising says you should want? Learning to tie all of the knots in the mariners' handbook sure isn't as cool sounding as going on a trip to Italy. Taking the time to pursue spiritual goals won't show up on a list of material items, but it may be more important to you than having a cool car.  You aren't going to find the motivation to follow your dreams through to the end if they aren't really your dreams. 

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